Colgate helps sex life

I woke up yesterday morning with what looks like either a large bug bite, poison ivy, or some other sort of irritation in the left corner of my mouth.  People at work say it’s probably a spider bite.  Regardless of what it is, I don’t like it and so I wanted to do something about it.  Adriana, a friend at work, who is known to be a big fan of home remedies and other such useless things, told me that she had something to put on the corner of my mouth to make it look less freakish.  After disappearing into her cubicle for a minute, she came back with a small bottle of Colgate gel toothpaste, which she claims will fix pretty much anything (one of my friends at my real job recommends Viagra for all of the same problems).  So I quite stupidly decided to humor her, since I know nothing about dermitology, and the result was that I had a patch of blue gel toothpaste smeared in the corner of my mouth for about 5 minutes, with about 3-4 coworkers laughing and pointing, including Adriana.  After she had caught her breath, another coworker went into her purse and got something that actually helps for this kind of thing.  I very quickly rubbed off the blue stuff and put on the stuff that might actually help.  My face still felt cold from the toothpaste and smelled like it too.  I brought the house down I mockingly suggested a little later that the toothpaste might even help people out with sexual problems.