I work Segurança – i.e., I'm unemployed and I live with my parents
One thing which has absolutely mystified the hell out of me is the existence of self-appointed "Segurança" (security) guys in the street standing in the street who, when someone is trying to park on the side of a normal city street (residential or commercial), will run over to the car, blow a whistle, and tell them where to park based on some unknown algorithm which presumably determines the most efficient parking configuration. Many of these guys have quasi-official-looking shirts or jackets that have Segurança written across them on the back in big block letters. An unsuspecting foreigner (i.e., me) would assume upon first glance that these guys are appointed by the city or whomever is in charge on some sort of official business which tourists would not normally concern themselves with.
In actuality, however, these guys have no authority other than that which they claim themselves. Having someone tell you where to park or help you out of your car, or even help you carry things out of your car, wouldn't be so bad if they didn't demand payment for it or "help" you regardless of whether you asked or not.
When I began to realize what was going on, I said to myself "It couldn't really be possible, could it? That a grown, able-bodied yet unemployed man could just buy a whistle and a shirt that says "Security", plunk himself down in a plastic chair in the street and claim that he was the parking manager?" Eeeeng. Wrong again, Mojambo. It's true.
I've heard stories from people who parked here and São Paulo, who said that when they came to get their car and refused to pay the self-appointed parking manager (because they'd only parked for something like 10 minutes) that the guy had said something like "But I watched your car while you were gone!" My answer to that is, Does that mean if someone were to pull out a gun and a crowbar and steal the car, that "Segurança" would come to the rescue? I'm guessing ... not. And who is most likely to point out to his buddies that a nice new Mercedes with a kickass stereo just pulled onto his street and was just left there for what could presumably be an indefinite amount of time? And, who is most likely to key the crap out of some return "customer" that Segurança has seen before and knows won't pay? And if you know you're never going to park there again, what is the incentive to pay off the Segurança guy? How do these guys make any money?
For some time I could not fathom how the system could survive – a) why this sort of thing was allowed to persist by the cops, and b) what was the incentive for the self-appointed security detail if no one was under obligation to pay them. My initial guess was that the cops had bigger problems to deal with than Segurança issues, and that the guys who did the Segurança were so dirt poor that any money was better than no money.
I think my big problem with these guys is that they just look like trouble. They don't look like security, they look like drug dealers. If they were old men who couldn't do anything else, it would be one thing. But they tend to be perfectly able-bodied young men, my age. I suspect that they have to have some level of physical ability in order to defend their territory should the need arise.
Last week one of my Brazilian friends set me straight. The cops leave Segurança alone because Segurança pays them off. And at least some (or maybe all) of the Segurança supplement their "legitimate" jobs with drug-dealing. This would explain the reason why they all look like drug dealers, and sort of hover around people in the sketchy way that drug dealers in a third-world country tend to do. My hunch about them being more likely to theft the car than anyone else turns out to be valid – years back they would have had no trouble taking the car stereo out of a car they just "helped" park. Now, however, car stereo theft has evolved to utilize more civilized methods. Now, instead of breaking the windows, they cut the rubber seal from around the car windows, lift the windows out of the car and carefully place them in the back seat, and take the stereo without further damaging the car. This is an apparently more socially acceptable means of ripping off your neighbors. And there's a theft pecking order – apparently in the past there was some guy who tried to steal a car on the street where I first stayed here, and was caught by the police after Segurança called them – a striking example of the system actually "working". The attitude is very Animal House - "Hey, is that guy stealing a car on my street? F that! I'm calling the cops! I'm the only one authorized to steal cars on this street."
In actuality, however, these guys have no authority other than that which they claim themselves. Having someone tell you where to park or help you out of your car, or even help you carry things out of your car, wouldn't be so bad if they didn't demand payment for it or "help" you regardless of whether you asked or not.
When I began to realize what was going on, I said to myself "It couldn't really be possible, could it? That a grown, able-bodied yet unemployed man could just buy a whistle and a shirt that says "Security", plunk himself down in a plastic chair in the street and claim that he was the parking manager?" Eeeeng. Wrong again, Mojambo. It's true.
I've heard stories from people who parked here and São Paulo, who said that when they came to get their car and refused to pay the self-appointed parking manager (because they'd only parked for something like 10 minutes) that the guy had said something like "But I watched your car while you were gone!" My answer to that is, Does that mean if someone were to pull out a gun and a crowbar and steal the car, that "Segurança" would come to the rescue? I'm guessing ... not. And who is most likely to point out to his buddies that a nice new Mercedes with a kickass stereo just pulled onto his street and was just left there for what could presumably be an indefinite amount of time? And, who is most likely to key the crap out of some return "customer" that Segurança has seen before and knows won't pay? And if you know you're never going to park there again, what is the incentive to pay off the Segurança guy? How do these guys make any money?
For some time I could not fathom how the system could survive – a) why this sort of thing was allowed to persist by the cops, and b) what was the incentive for the self-appointed security detail if no one was under obligation to pay them. My initial guess was that the cops had bigger problems to deal with than Segurança issues, and that the guys who did the Segurança were so dirt poor that any money was better than no money.
I think my big problem with these guys is that they just look like trouble. They don't look like security, they look like drug dealers. If they were old men who couldn't do anything else, it would be one thing. But they tend to be perfectly able-bodied young men, my age. I suspect that they have to have some level of physical ability in order to defend their territory should the need arise.
Last week one of my Brazilian friends set me straight. The cops leave Segurança alone because Segurança pays them off. And at least some (or maybe all) of the Segurança supplement their "legitimate" jobs with drug-dealing. This would explain the reason why they all look like drug dealers, and sort of hover around people in the sketchy way that drug dealers in a third-world country tend to do. My hunch about them being more likely to theft the car than anyone else turns out to be valid – years back they would have had no trouble taking the car stereo out of a car they just "helped" park. Now, however, car stereo theft has evolved to utilize more civilized methods. Now, instead of breaking the windows, they cut the rubber seal from around the car windows, lift the windows out of the car and carefully place them in the back seat, and take the stereo without further damaging the car. This is an apparently more socially acceptable means of ripping off your neighbors. And there's a theft pecking order – apparently in the past there was some guy who tried to steal a car on the street where I first stayed here, and was caught by the police after Segurança called them – a striking example of the system actually "working". The attitude is very Animal House - "Hey, is that guy stealing a car on my street? F that! I'm calling the cops! I'm the only one authorized to steal cars on this street."
posted by n10471 at 10:47 AM
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