Monday, June 26, 2006

you and your deodorant

I just posted a really long comment to a post on my sister's blog regarding the importance of deodorant choice as related to personal identity. You can see her post and my original comment, which is copied below, here.

I realize that I may be on or crossing the line into plagiarism, but I wanted to be sure to make sure I had my record of what I thought was some pretty insightful commenting, and that everyone would see that even though my posts aren't as frequent as they used to be, I continue to contribute (in quite a profound way, I might add) to online discourse (I refuse to say bl*gosphere).

The real question you have to ask yourself when making this kind of purchase is, as television tells us, "What deodorant best reflects my personality?" And that's a tough one. I relied Speed Stick Musk for years, until some douchebag in marketing or whatever decided to discontinue it in the late 90s, I'm sure because it broke into whomever's sales of cologne. I say this because I used to get all kinds of complements on my cologne, and I was more than happy to reveal how sharp I was by saying "Actually (clever-looking, self-congratulating grin), it's my deodorant." I'll admit when I realized that it was being discontinued I had to make non-trivial decision of whether I should buy every remaining stick I could find and stash/horde it in a warehouse somewhere. Of course it's always much easier to do nothing so I did that. But it was really tough having to revaluate my brand (and come on, let's face it, your choice of deodorant is pretty much the basis for your entire personality, as the title of your post implies.)

The one time I deviated from Speed Stick Musk was a complete disaster. It was my junior year in high school, and since I had limited funds and it was post-Christmas I decided to use the much more expensive smelling sample-sized stick I got in my stocking or wherever. Things went fine until I was almost at school, looking listlessly out the front passenger window of the van, until I realized that my eyes were shutting themselves on their own. I opened my window a crack and I was able to pry them open enough to say, "Mom, I think I'm having an allergic reaction to my deodorant." She was of course rather skeptical at first, although she had to be impressed at my ingenuity if she really thought I'd thought that one up to get out of school for a day. But no, it was true, and we had to head back home where I washed my armpits and used somebody else's deodorant. The tough part came when I showed up late in the vice principal's office and stated (I remember it word for word) "I had an allergic reaction to my deodorant," and handed him the note from mom. He, strangely, didn't bat an eyelash, and even said, "I know that smarts," as if a) he'd had the same experience, and b) he thought my armpits were on fire from some kind of rash, which they weren't. I don't think either of us wanted to go into detail and he told me to get the hell out of his office.

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