this post not for the squeamish (vermin details)

I was just now typing on my computer, sitting on my couch, and out of the corner of my eye what did I see but *the* biggest cockroach come slowly walking out from under where the bathroom door attaches to the doorframe.  Not crawling, mind you – this was much more dignified.  Like, Hello, I’m a big fucking cockroach, and I’m going to walk anywhere I damn well please at a leisurely pace.

After the obligatory “Oh … my … god” I looked down at the floor next to me and the plan of action was clear.  Two heavy flip-flops right there.  An arrogantly slow vermin.  In less than a second, after a loud crunch, he was happily (for me) pancaked under the sole of my flip-flop, which I’d used to swat him by hand.  But the horror was still there.  I spent about a minute waving my arms in the air and running in a tight circle uttering a blood-curdling “aaaaaAAAAHHHH!!” because of what I’d just seen and done.  

Squishing an inch-long roach you see on the sidewalk under the sole of your foot is one thing.  But when you have to kill a big one, with a lot of force, using a flip-flop that’s in your hand, it almost feels like you’re killing a mammal (maybe a small mouse).  It’s gross not just because it’s a scary-looking bug but because it’s like, a big animal.